Willie's Rules
by Willie.roxs
Summary: A list of rules Willie thinks Daniel should know! Taken from an Esquire article about 1000 things men dont know about women!
1. Chapter 1

Hello All, Its Jaz here with a new concept! Okay so as most know im graduating this year and during the last days of school we were given little to no work to do. In my AP English class my teacher found an article about 1000 things guys dont know about women, but should. They were so funny I decided to go to the site and check out some more, they were amazing so I thought, why dont I pick out a few and write little drabbles or shorts or whatever! So thats what im doing to rules are bolded and then the story follows, its simple! I hope you all enjoy! This is just 8 there are PLENTY more!

Love you all xoxoxox Jaz

Oh and have you heard the news Vanessa is gonna be on DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES! I was soooooo happy and still kinda am! Anywho heres what you came for!

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**No. 610: If it's a choice between seeing us or seeing your friends, we always want you to pick us. **

Daniel was headed out the office to Wilhelmina's place when a figure stopped him at the door.

"Danny!" The blond man said and wrapped Daniel in a hug.

"Becks, hey what are you doing here?"

"Well I'm in town for a bit and wanted to come see my best bud. You know maybe pick up a few hot chicks! Fresh from Vegas got a lot of money to blow."

"Actually I was on my way to meet someone."

"Ahhh, come on this is a rare thing for us, I'm sure your lady friend would understand."

Daniel looked over at Wilhelmina's empty office and could almost see her staring at him through the glass, a knife in her hand and blood dripping from it he wore from the trance scared and looked at Becks.

"You know, I'd love too. But I cant maybe another time."

He hurriedly left the office, sweating on his way to see Wilhelmina.

**No. 164:****Getting us lost is not a turn-on. Get a GPS. **

They were headed to the Poconos for the weekend and ending up driving in circles.

"Do you know where your going?" She asked.

"Of course I do, I can read a map."

She looked over at him and took the map from him.

"It was upside down dumbass. We're lost."

**No. 308:****We can appreciate a nice butt as much as you do, we're just better at being discreet about it. **

Wilhelmina and Daniel has just signed the contract with Beyonce as a center spread cover. She was signing autographs for Modies and Daniel couldn't tear his eyes away. He felt a presence behind him and Wilhelmina whispered in his ear.

"Wipe the drool off, why don't you?" She laughed and shook her head.

**No. 819:****Never answer your phone or text in the middle of sex. Never. **

He had her pinned to the bed, and his head moved to the side of her neck. She arched her back and locked her legs around his back. He met her lips again when his phone rang. They ignored it until it rang twice more. Daniel stopped and leaned over on the night stand to answer it.

"Hello."

"Daniel, sorry to be calling so late but I forgot to tell you that the Marc Jacobs meeting was pushed back until Tuesday."

"This couldn't wait till tomorrow."

"Sorry, I didn't know if you were busy."

"Well he WAS." Wilhelmina yelled and took Daniels phone tossing it to the side.

"That was rude." Daniel said leaning back in.

She pushed him off and got out the bed to put her jacket and shoes one.

"No you answering the phone was rude. Now that I heard Betty's voice, I'm so not in the mood. Goodnight."

**No. 960:****If you tell us we should give you a blowjob, we probably won't. Giving us a backrub is a far more eloquent way of asking.**

"I did it to you its only fair."

"I didn't ask you to."

"But I did it."

"And I'm grateful for it, but because you want a blowjob doesn't mean I'm gonna do it, that's not the way things work around here."

Xxxx

She was stressed out beyond belief and the last thing she wanted was to come home to a horny ass Daniel Meade. But he surprised her leading her to the bed, he provided her with the most amazing thing any man has ever done a back massage.

"Wow, you're really tense."

"Long day. Lots of firing and yelling and crying."

"You cried."

"Making people cry." She clarified.

"Okay." She moaned in the contact, whatever Daniel was doing felt really good. When he finished she turned around on her elbows on the bed the towel still around her and studied his face. She leaned closer to him and moved so that he was now lying on the bed. She ripped open his shirt and he removed the towel, as she slid further down she unbuckled his pants tugging them down along with his boxers and mover her head further down. Daniel leaned back,_ I should give backrubs more often._

**No. 747:****We like to win. Let us win every once in a while. Or, how about let us tie? That at least takes more thought and we're okay with being your equal.**

She isn't fond of card games but he is. So shes stuck playing an annoying game of spades with Daniel, Becks and Betty. She should always call before just showing up.

She and Betty are partners and Becks and Daniel are a team.

The game is down to Betty and Wilhelmina having three books and Becks and Daniel now have five, Daniel guaranteed at least 5 more, he looked over at Wilhelmina who had a none to pleasing look on her face. She put down a King of diamonds, and then he put down a 3 of spades taking the deck. The next card he put down was a 4 of diamonds.

"CHEATER!" Betty screamed.

"What?" Daniel looked confused.

"You had a diamond."

"Oh, I guess…well."

"Dammit Daniel! You reneged."

"Sorry." He looked down and noticed Wilhelmina's lip curve into a smile. _Someone is getting laid tonight._

**No. 676:****Just pick up the tampons. Do you really think the cashier is going to think they're for you? **

Daniel did not want to go to the store. Especially to buy what she asked for. He felt it took away from his masculinity, but at the same time the wrath of a PMSing Wilhelmina Slater was even worse. He stood in the aisle examining the many types of tampons, trying to figure out if there was a difference. He looked at the boxes and just picked up the tampax pearls, quickly so no one would see. He turned the box around in this hands and read the directions. Feeling curious he opened the box and pulled one out, he opened the package and stared at it.

"What the hell?"

She pushed it open so the cloth was revealed and found the set of directions, with pictures to illustrate.

"So this goes, ohhhh, ewwwwww." He whispered sounding like a little child. The stockwoman came up behind him.

"I bet you appreciate her much more, huh?"

**No. 429:** **Kiss us lightly on the cheek. We love that. **

She fell asleep on the couch, so he picked her up placing her in the bed, pulling the covers up over her. He kissed her lightly on the cheek and turned to leave, she surpirised him.

"You can stay, if you want?" Her eyes were closed still.

He smiled and kicked his shoes off, sliding in beside her wrapping his arms around her waist kissing her shoulder and she smiled.


	2. Rules Set 2

I'm back! Here are five more, I know there aren't many but I wrote these at 4 am so get over it. LOL. So as usual enjoy, there are many more to come, sometimes I will post one sometimes I will post 12 depends how I feel. Today I felt like 5. After I post I'm sleeping, but hope you like them. Thanks for all the reviews I loved them, I'm glad I'm writing my shorts too...I'm good at them. Not being cocky its true. Love you all bunches!

JaZ

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**No. 932:Thanks for telling us how cute we look when we're enraged, but it's really not the time. **

_They had lost to Elle this month, which irked Wilhelmina to no end. Given ELLE stole their whole cover idea and center spread. She was in her office, doing her usual smashing of items while Marc and Daniel look outside of the big circular glass watching._

"_Does she always have to do that?"_

"_Yes she does." Marc sighed. "I'm at Mandy's." He walked away._

_With a smile on his face he leans on the threshold of the door. He watched at her childish mannerisms as she smashed things and yelled, he laughed._

"_What!" She snapped and Daniel still had a smile on his face._

"_I just think its adorable when you get angry like that. It's cute. But Willie it isn't that serious."_

_She stood there just looking at him. In the blink of an eye she picked up a glass statue and launched it towards the door just missing him. Daniel felt his heart drop, and looked at her._

"_.Hell."_

"_Daniel now is not the time, no go before I hit you this time."_

_He scurried out of her office to join Marc._

"_Great job. Dumbass."_

**No. 956: Subtle gestures like walking behind us through a crowded room and walking in front of us down the stairs make us feel loved. **

_She was bored to death, she hated Charity events to know end, especially this stupid ball. She sat at the table, with a bored expression on her face, her 3__rd__ glass of wine. She scanned the room and couldn't find him, typical. He was the one who told her to go, which is why shes so pissed he didn't dare to show up. The more she thought about it the angrier she got, she quickly stood up and grabbed her things, as she tried to make her way through she felt a hand at the small of her back guiding her._

_Just as she was about to turn her head. "Keep going." She heard him whisper in her ear and she smiled. "Sorry, my mom was being a pain in the ass. We can go home, I promise to make it up to you." _

**No. 683: There's nothing better than breakfast in bed. It's amazing what the offering of scrambled eggs and toast will do for your sex life. Trust us. **

_She squinted to adjust the the light that filled the room. The curtains were pulled back and there was an intoxicating aroma that seemed to fill the air. Once she was able to see, she saw him come into view._

"_Morning." He smiled._

"_Morning. What's that?"_

"_What does it look like? I thought I'd make you breakfast in bed, after all today is a big day."_

"_I'm just going to work."_

"_Yes, but its your first day without me being there to ruin everything, Ms. Editor-In-Chief."_

"_Oh shut-up, you didn't ruin everything." He walked over to her with the tray which was aligned with scrambled eggs, pancakes, sausage, and a glass of Orange Juice with something that resembled a fruit cocktail on the side._

"_Did you make all this?"_

"_Yes I did." He smiled and sat it down on her lap she just stared at it. "Would you like me to feed you" He laughed._

"_Don't you dare. It's just, this is different."_

"_I know, you don't eat breakfast. Well you do now that you're with me. It's the most important meal of the day, and don't worry you wont get fat by eating like normal people."_

"_You're right I wont. Because when I'm done, I know an excellent way to burn plenty of calories." She gave him a suggestive look, before digging in. Daniel smiled. Mission Accomplished._

**No. 373: Look down, if we're wearing heels it's so our legs can look good. We feel sexy as hell in 'em but it usually isn't all that comfortable so _slow the hell down_ when you're walking beside us. Thank you.**

_It was a stupid idea for them to walk to the show. She only did it because Daniel promised her a wonderful dinner afterwards. They made their way from 29__th__ and 8__th__ to get to 42__nd__ and Broadway to catch the show Memphis, there was so much buzz Daniel had to buy tickets even though Wilhelmina loathed Broadway. _

"_Daniel slow the hell down." She snapped walking beside the excited man, in a pair of hellacious 5 inch heels._

"_Come on Wilhelmina we will be late."_

"_Daniel our seats will be there. They are assigned for a reason."_

"_But still." He kept his fast pace, much to Wilhelmina's protest not to. She stood still as he kept walking._

"_This will be so-" he stopped when he didn't see her. He turned his head and saw her leaning on the sign that said 40__th__._

"_Wilhelmina. Come on." She stood there. "Fine, I will go without you." He moved to leave and walked to the theatre, he was back 10 minutes later._

"_I wondered how long it would take for you to figure out I have the tickets. Slow the hell down." _

**No. 854:Never, ever, ever turn your woman down for sex. Even if you were already sleeping. **

_They stayed on location for a shoot in Rome. In the hotel Wilhelmina and Daniel got separate rooms, of course to avoid suspicion. If anyone found out, well they wouldn't know what to say, they couldn't put a label on what they had. _

_She couldn't sleep, and found herself tossing and turning all night. She sat up in the bed and turned the lamp on. Quickly getting up she went to the dresser grabbing two sets of hotel keys, primped herself in the mirror, and left. _

_Daniel was sound asleep when he felt a warm body next to his. A pair of hands lightly traveled over his skin and a lips traced his neck, he groaned._

"_Wilhelmina."_

"_Mm Hm."_

"_Wilhelmina, stop."_

_She didn't listen and he opened his eyes turning to face her._

"_I am trying to sleep. Not now. Especially because our staff is here, my mother is here, Betty is here and we cant risk that." _

"_Fine." She got up from the bed, and once she reached the door and walked out, she saw a young man walk down the hall, and smirked._

_xxxxx_

_When Daniel woke up he noticed Wilhelmina was gone, he wanted to o apologize for the other night, and as he walked out of his room, he noticed Wilhelmina's door open, as a young shirtless man walked out._

"_Thanks for that." Wilhelmina smiled, the young man nodded and made his way. Daniel was enraged._

"_Wilhelmina, what the hell." Daniel was careful not to yell so no one would hear._

"_You said you were sleepy. I wasn't….and neither was he. Now I'm all tired out see you at 1." She shut the door and Daniel stood agape. She was good, so good. And that young man left there 100 dollars richer._


	3. Rules Set 3

Hello loves! How is everyone? Good i suppose. Anywho after a rough day having good and bad news I just needed to write and thanks for those who helped me feel better and special thanks to Rae who helped me choose these, writing this batch was a great way to get my mind off of other things. So I hope u enjoy reading as much as I did writing them, I missed them alot. So enjoy all.

xoxo Jaz xoxo

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**No. 630:****Dirty text messages are encouraged. But two caveats: Don't make them NC-17 if we're at work — we could get caught, and that would be awkward — and don't send them at 9:05 A.M. when we've just walked through the door. A day full of sexual anticipation is way harder to bear than a few hours.**

Daniel was bored at home, while Wilhelmina was away on a business meeting with advertisers in Washington D.C. He picked up his phone and looked at the time, figuring she was in a meeting a smirk appeared on his face.

Sitting at the big dining table she heard the buzz on her cell phone and ignored it, one little thing, she forgot to turn off the automatic text messaging reader she put on that morning, the whole meeting heard in detail what Daniel would do to her once she got home. It was awkward to say the least, especially because this business meeting wasn't really business at all, it was a stupid family/friends get-to-gether she went to every year, and didn't want to bring Daniel along. Now her parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and leaders of the country knew about her and Daniels sex life.

**No. 811:****If the words, "you have too many shoes," ever come out of your mouth, be prepared to hear about all of the inane crap of yours we want to get rid of.**

"Having all of these shoes is pointless; I mean I'm sure you don't wear half of these Willie. It wouldn't hurt to get rid of some; I mean this is too much." He laughed and the laughter died when he saw her face.

"It's too much, really Daniel."

"I was ju-"

"You know what else is too much, the excessive amount of cologne you spray on, I mean I'm not stupid I know when your being lazy and don't wash your clothes. Another thing you and your stupid ass hair gel, I swear you are worse than a woman. You use the mirror more than me."

She was angry, that much he could tell.

"Geez sorry, I didn't know shoes would get you so upset."

"Damn right, you can never have too much shoes, plus _you're_ the one who requests I keep them on during sex."

"Touché."

**No. 139:****We love it when you get specific. Saying you love a specific quirk or body part sounds a lot better than "you're pretty."**

After a long day at MODE all she wanted to do was get in bed and lie down, which is exactly what she did. Daniel came in about 3 hours later and watched her. When she woke up from her nap she found him staring at her.

"What?"

"You're really beautiful." He smiled and walked over to her kissing her on the forehead.

"Tell me something I don't know."

"I can tell you why I think so?" He slipped in the bed next to her, holding her against his chest.

"Oh yeah, spill."

"You have the most perfectly sculpted legs, your claves are to dies for, thighs are perfect size easy to grab."

"Mm Hm."

"Cutest, teeny butt." He gestured by pinching his fingers together. She slapped his chest laughing. " Flat stomach, wonderful hips, amazing boobs."

"You're such a pervert."

"I'm not done. Crazy bone structure." He ran his hand along her jaw. "Luscious lips," he kissed her. "Cute nose, stunning eyes, perfectly trimmed eyebrows, smooth mocha skin, and perfect grabbing hair."

"You done."

"Nope. And the most dazzling personality. Most people don't get you, but im glad to be one of the few who does, that's why you're beautiful. You're one unique creature Wilhelmina Slater. And you know whats best of all?"

"What?" She looked up at him.

"You're _mine_."

**No. 657:****We know the lotion on your nightstand is not for your hands. We are choosing to overlook this.**

He was in the shower, and she couldn't help herself but to snoop around the room. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, and the heel of her foot hit something hard.

"Ouch." She looked down and pulled out the box. What she saw disgusted her beyond all belief, even more so she saw the half empty bottle by the bedside.

She made a mental note, when she finishes her shower don't use Daniels lotion. And from now on, she should keep her a spare bottle on her own side of the bed.

**No. 556:** **We don't subscribe to the notion that foreplay should only come before sex. Just because you're done doesn't mean it's over.**

He collapsed on top of her, a sweating panting mess. He steadied his breathing before pulling out and rolling off of her to lay beside her. He looked at her and watched as she had a hand over her eyes. He smiled as he turned on his side to sleep, only to be interrupted by biting on his neck.

"Wilhelmina." He groaned and turned to face her.

She smirked and reached under the covers grabbing him. "Did you really think we were done yet?"

**No. 135:** **Warm your hands before touching the goods.**

They just got in from the ice-skating rink at Rockefeller Center, it was below freezing which is why they got back home so fast.

"Well that was fun." She exclaimed as he closed the front door.

"I have a better idea." He didn't give her time to reply as he crashed his lips to hers, pinning her against the wall. He hurriedly removed her jacket and lifted her sweater over her head. His mouth immediately making contact with the swell of her breast. His hands traveled along her sides, and they slipped into her jeans causing her to shiver, and not because it felt good.

"God Damn. Ever heard of gloves."

"What? For now?"

She flicked his forehead. "No dumbass. When we were outside, your hands are like ice. There's no way you're touching me."

She moved herself from the wall, and bent to pick up her jacket and sweater. She walked away before turning on her fireplace.

"Stand over that to warm yourself up. I'll be in my room when you're done." She disappeared being the double doors.

**No. 430:****I remember staying over at my parents' house with my boyfriend while we were in town for a wedding. As we were falling asleep, he said, "I like our bed better." I replied that it was more comfortable. His response was, "Yeah, and it's ours." At that moment, our relationship became real. "Ours" is a powerful word.**

They stayed late for a meeting, the annual Meade Thanksgiving Dinner had to be held somewhere. It couldn't be the Meade offices and Claire Meade was going away for that weekend to Paris so the Meade estate was unavailable.

"You all could come to my place." Betty offered.

"Oh yes, I suppose your papi could whip up to empanadas and tacos, a very Mexican thanksgiving indeed." Wilhelmina sarcastically replied.

"Wilhelmina." Daniel said in a warning tone.

"Marc we aren't going to your place either, our guests couldn't handle the gay décor of your apartment. I'm not just talking color scheme but the Jake Gyllenhaal and Liza Minnelli paintings in your dining room."

Marc shifted his eyes downward and Daniel let out a chuckle.

"Then what do you suggest Wilhelmina."

Daniel interjected. "We could use our place. I mean it's big enough."

He looked over at Wilhelmina who had an unreadable expression on her face.

"I mean if it's okay with you, we can hire help to clean up afterwards." He smiled.

She finally let some emotion show, it was a smile of gratitude. It was nice to hear the word "our".

"Sure why not, our place it is."

**No. 321:** **When I say, "that feels good," it doesn't mean go faster and harder. It means to keep doing that.**

Her eyes were tightly shut as her back arched off the mattress, she tried looking down but her body failed her and she threw her head back against the pillows. Not normally one to talk during great sex aside from the obscenities and "yes" when she said it "feels good" she didn't expect for him to stop. His tongue left her and he trailed light kissed along her torso as he met face to face to her. As he leaned down to kiss her she tilted her head to the side, and pushed his head away.

"What?" He cried out.

"I said it feels good, I didn't say stop and come up here to kiss me. Get back down there and do what you were doing!" She yelled.

He smirked and obeyed the command.

**No. 512:** **We're not always aware of our breasts. If we happen to brush up against you, we're not necessarily coming on to you. Sometimes we are. But it's not a given.**

He was seated at his desk, staring at the magazine that was thrown on his desk only 10 minutes before.

"I cannot believe this."

"I know. They took our entire idea. Who could have leaked it?" She stood over his shoulder and leaned down to pick up the magazine and slightly brushed against him. As she was about to stand back up, Daniel whispered to her.

"I thought we keep our personal lives out of the office." He smirked. Betty and Marc rolled their eyes at the behavior of their two bosses.

"What are you talking about?" She was genuinely confused.

"I thought you were."

"My god Daniel, I was leaning over to look at the magazine. It was not the green light for us to go into the closet and have sex."

**No. 201:****We get perverse joy from eating off of your plate. It's like our version of pissing on the hydrant.**

He took her out to eat at the Russian Tea Room for their anniversary, she ordered her usual Spring Salad while Daniel decided to try something new Kobe Tasting Perigord Wilhelmina stabbed her fork through her salad while watching across the table at Daniel salivating over his meal.

"My God, do you have any manners."

He looked up mouth full. "Sorry, it's just so good. How's you're salad?" He smirked.

"Perfect." She smiled as she took a bit. Then out of no where she leaned over the table and dug her fork into his beef filet, grabbing a hearty piece and ate it.

"Hey!" Daniel pouted like a young child.

"You weren't going to eat it all anyways I'm just helping you." She smiled and he smiled back, before she grabbed another bite.


	4. Rules Set 4

Hidey Ho Bitches. JK JK Well yep its been a while I know I know Ive been busy as hell. As most know I got a J-O-B that takes up my life, I graduated, I'm getting ready for college, Ive been on a few trips, I met Vanessa Williams. Oh yeah didn't know. Yeah I did saw Sondheim on Sondheim last month and met my idol. She was amazing as always and so breathtakingly beautiful. And now I will stop bragging cuz if I dont I will die. But thats beside the point , I wanted to write so I did. lol It took me a while to get out of lazy mode and get down to bizznazz but i did it. And i told many I wasnt satisfied with it, and I'm still kinda eh about them b/c this batch isnt as funny as the others, and that saddens me. But I wrote them, and spent 2 hrs on them so I'm posting them and you may like them better than I did. Oh well then here is the next batch of Willie's Rules, and believe it or not there are only a select few left. Thanks to the ladies of MSN who wrote earlier when I didn't write, but when they left I was bored so I had to write too. xD

Love Always,

Jazmine.

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**No. 363:** **We are taught to treat you like Columbus when it comes to sex: Celebrate your efforts and never mention the others who were there before you.**

"_Okay that's not fair."_

"_It's completely fair Daniel."_

"_No it's not. You know about all the women I've slept with, been in relationships with and I know nothing about you."_

"_I'm not the one whoring it up in the public."_

"_So you whore it up privately."_

"_Exactly."_

"_Well give me a number."_

"_No."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Because I said so."_

"_That's not good enough."_

"_Fine. One hundred."_

"_That's not true."_

"_You sure about that? I was an international supermodel we are known to open our legs quite a bit." _

_Daniel stared at her._

"_I'm kidding. I'm not that easy. Besides it doesn't matter who I slept with in the past you are my present. And I'm only sleeping with you." She kissed him and bit his bottom lip before adding. "For now."_

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**No. 524:** **That low-cut top — we wouldn't wear it if we didn't want you to look. Just be discrete about it. **

_Daniel was addressing the staff for the Must Mode issue, when Wilhelmina walked in 30 minutes late. She walked up to Daniel without giving a reason, took off her coat and threw it in the seat next to her._

_She opened her mouth to talk but Daniel spoke first. _

"_Where have you been?"_

_Still looked ahead she remarked. "Does it matter?" She turned to him._

_His eyes went immediately from her face to her chest. She was wearing a silk purple blouse that showed ample amount of cleavage._

_It was evident to the rest of the staff just what he was looking at and a few giggles and whispers could be heard._

"_Daniel, wipe the drool off._

"_What?" He shook his head. _

"_Stop staring."_

"_Well you should have chosen a different top."_

_Wilhelmina rolled her eyes, and took over the meeting without Daniel uttering a single word. She had successfully managed to change the entire concept, unbeknownst to Daniel who was still enamored with the sight of her breasts. The staff started to file out, and Willie turned to face him. _

"_You did that on purpose, you knew I couldn't resist."_

"_You make it too easy, Danny." She laughed and picked up her coat leaving him in the conference room alone._

**

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No. 511:** **It freaks us out when you put a t-shirt on after sex but walk around without boxers. It's not becoming.**

_When she woke up she found a figure standing in front of the window slightly blocking the sun._

"_Good morning." She said groggily._

"_Hey." He turned and started to walk towards her, her eyes wided._

"_What the hell Daniel? The last thing I need when I wake up in the morning is you standing in front of me butt ass naked with your dick in front of my face. Put some damn clothes on." She turned her head and laid back on the bed facing the other way while Daniel simply laughed._

**

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No. 106:** **We like the way you pretend you ignore us sometimes. It's kinda cute. Sometimes.**

"_DANIEL!" Wilhelmina screamed._

_Daniel was in the bedroom when he heard her yell his name, he didn't respond._

"_Daniel. Get your ass out here NOW." Nothing._

"_I swear to God Daniel, if you don't get your ass out here I'm leaving you."_

_Daniel laughed. But the laughter died when he heard the smoke alarm go off. He jumped out the bed in search for Wilhelmina._

"_WILLIE." Daniel yelled. There was a cloud of smoke and he could make out a figure._

"_Wilhelmina are you okay?" He heard her cough as the flames went out and he rushed to open the windows._

"_Now you come! Where were you 5 minutes ago?"_

"_I didn't think it was a big deal. Sorry. Is everything okay? What happened?"_

"_Doesn't matter I'm fine. But because I had no idea how to use a fucking fire extinguisher I had to put the fire out using whatever was the bag over there."_

"_MY BRAND NEW ARMANI SUIT!"_

"_That's what that was. Well, came in handy."_

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**No. 495:**** We think every time you watch porn — without us — a unicorn dies. Which is why they're extinct. **

_Okay there is nothing for this one. But I like it because it makes me laugh so insanely hard._

**

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No. 167:****We don't mind carrying something of yours in our purses once in a while. You want to lug a bunch of shit around all the time? Get your own damn purse.**

_She was standing in line for the movie waiting for Daniel to come back from the bathroom. She stood open mouthed when she saw him walk up to her with a bag full of junk._

"_What the hell is all of that?"_

_He opened it and explained. "I got a hot dog from the stand over there, 2 bottles of soda, M&Ms, and sour punch straws. Here put them in your bag, so they don't say anything."_

"_No."_

"_Come on Willie."_

"_You said you were going to the bathroom, not stocking up on food that will make you as big as Betty."_

_They were near the ticket booth when Daniel made an attempt to shove the items in her bag._

_Once successfully in he pushed her to move her forward smiling at her. They got pass and Daniel went to buy popcorn, Wilhelmina stood still crossed arms. _

"_Come on Willie, you will get over it." He laughed and walked away to the counter._

_Wilhelmina was not amused. She turned and looked at the movie theatre workers and thought up a plan. _

"_Excuse me." _

"_Yes Ma'am."_

_She went in her bag and pulled out the bag of food Daniel had. "Are we really allowed to bring outside items in?" _

_The man shook his head. "I'm afraid not."_

"_Pity, then I don't wanna break any laws what should I do with it?" _

"_I can throw it out for you."_

"_Oh thanks that would be great." Just as she handed the bag over, Daniel had the popcorn in his hands. _

"_Willie what happened?" He asked once he got over there._

"_Appearently bringing in outside food isn't allowed, and this young gentleman just got rid of it for us so we wouldn't get into trouble. Who knew?" She falsely smiled. _

"_Well we don't wanna miss the movie do we sweetie." She turned round and laughed as Daniel sulked behind her._

**

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No. 641:** **Please notice and comment on our choice of fragrance. It's reassuring, and we paid a lot for that teeny bottle of Chanel.**

_She hated boring charity events. That's a lie. She hated the charity part, but loved going out dressed to the nine for her rivals. They were usually contested of who had on the best dress, who was the show stopper of the right. And as expected most times it was Wilhelmina Slater. _

"_You women are terrible."_

"_Oh dear, why?" Wilhelmina feigned innocence._

_He leaned in closer. "You know why."_

_She smirked and looked at him. He didn't move away. "What?"_

"_Nothing, you smell really good. That's all. Is this new."_

"_Yes, it is."_

"_Chanel?"_

_She nodded._

"_I like it." He leaned in and kissed her, she responded to his kiss pulling him by the back of his neck. He pulled back. "A lot."_

**

* * *

No. 702:** **Sometimes we pretend that we don't know how to do something, just because you look so cute trying to figure it out.**

"_Why do you have a washing machine again?"_

"_Shut up."_

"_Really, shouldn't all women know how to work this thing."_

"_Watch it Meade."_

_He took the clothes bin and sat it in front of the machine._

"_Well first you open it, then throw the clothes in."_

_Wrong. Separate colors. Wilhelmina thought._

"_Then you take the soap detergent and put a few cups in._

_Wrong Again just a cup is fine. Wilhelmina thought._

"_Then you close it, press hot and then wait for it to be done and ta-da all clean."_

_That's so wrong. Now the clothes will shrink and you will look like a dumb ass who tried to dress up in a 10 year olds school clothes. She thought to herself._

"_Well I'm glad you showed me with your clothes first, if I would have tried who knows what would happen."_

"_That's why I'm here to help." He leaned in to kiss her._

"_Right."_

**

* * *

No. 971:** **Educated, smart women want to hear how beautiful they are, and beautiful women want to hear how smart they are. Never compliment a smart woman for being smart — she already knows.**

_She just saved the final layout. Over at their rival magazine ELLE , they had stolen their entire centre spread but due to quick thinking Wilhelmina had managed to come up with a completely new concept in the span of 15 hours and still went to print on time._

_"You never cease to amaze me. You're a genius." He kissed the side of her neck._

_"I know."_

_"A beautiful, sometimes intimidating, sexy genius." He smirked._

_"I know that too. Save the compliments Daniel. I know I am perfect. Instead lets just go in the closet and have sex. Victory over any rivals puts me in the mood." She kissed him before taking his hand and leading him away._

**

* * *

No. 888:****When it's clear that we've made an effort to do something for you, thank us. Even if you don't understand why, just do it.**

_He woke up to the sound of pots and pans banging in the kitchen and a sweet aroma in the air._

"_What the hell?" He leaned on his elbows and tried to adjust to the light coming from the window. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and made his way out of the room. He walked into the kitchen and was surprised to see her awake, better yet cooking._

"_Good Morning." He scared her as she jumped in shock. He chuckled._

"_Don't do that." She warned and returned her attention to the tray in front of her. He came up behind her and snaked his arms around her waist, placing a kiss on her shoulder._

"_What's this?"_

"_What does it look like?" She turned to look at him with a smirk on her face. He leaned in and gave her a quick peck._

"_I know what it is. But why?" He laughed and looked at the tray in front of them, on it, a plate of scrambled eggs, pancakes, and bacon. With a healthy measure of orange juice. "It's so not you." He laughed again. Wilhelmina was not amused._

"_Well geez, a thank you for trying Wilhelmina would be nice." She took his hands from around her and picked up the tray. _

_He mocked her. "Thank you for trying Wilhelmina." Laughing as she walked away, his laughter slowy died when he saw her open the trash bin and all the food was discarded in. She took the glass of juice and slowly walked to him, she titled it on his head until the last drop placing it on the counter._

"_Oops." She covered a hand over her mouth in fake shock. Daniel stood open mouthed._

"_That was so uncalled for." Daniel deadpanned._

"_Yeah, maybe. But that's the last time I attempt to do something for your ungrateful ass." With that she walked off. _


End file.
